The past week or two I’ve been sleeping more throughout the day, my energy levels have been lower, my motivation is often non-existent, my focus is scattered, my brain feels slower, I have been more pessimistic, self-critical and irritable, and sometimes my emotions are dulled.
My passion and drive are diminished, and I have been making an effort to keep myself involved with people and various tasks, mix up my day, leave the house, exercise and do various things to not feed my changed mood. I have been walking or jogging about 5 to 6 days a week, even if I have no desire or energy to leave the house. I’ve been making an effort to be more social. I also reached out to my family and told them about the changes I’ve been noticing.
I have a strong desire to stimulate my brain more so I can feel energized, excited, alert, clear headed or some form of adrenaline so I don’t feel like a haze is covering my brain and all of my interactions. I’ve also been drinking a lot more caffeine, which hasn’t been making much of a difference.
I’ve also been going easy on myself, giving myself nights off from work and allowing myself to stop doing work when my mind feels dead, but I’ve also been trying to push through the scattered, lead-head feeling so I can actually get stuff done throughout the day.
I’ve downloaded some new apps, like brain teasers and competitions to help make my brain feel alive. I bought a mini sudoku book. Today I went back on duolingo.com and took some Spanish learning tests, and read half of a new book when I couldn’t focus on work. Learning helps stimulate my brain.
I re-read the beginning of The Bipolar Disorder Survival Guide: What You and Your Family Need to Know by David J. Miklowitz, PhD. I just started reading new material in the book today.
I don’t like how negative my thoughts have been recently. I may not be able to make sudden drastic changes to the low energy or dead brain feeling, but I still have power over my thoughts and actions, and I could choose to not foster negative thoughts.
Reading this bipolar book is giving me ideas and inspiration on changes I can make to help not feed my depression, as well as changes that can help bring more structure, drive and purpose into my life, regardless if I’m having a bipolar episode or not.
I’m going to go to sleep, but as I continue to read the bipolar book, and other resources, I’m going to update this post as a guide to help myself foster passion and drive, especially amidst having my base mood being void of passion, energy, motivation and drive.