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bipolar, emelina minero, emelina minero writes

Hypomanic Happy and Non-Hypomanic Happy

I just switched into a hypomanic state. And in this state, I now realize that this is different from some other good energy, excitement and passion that I was feeling recently. So it’s good to know that by treating myself with love, listening to my body and all of that good stuff, that I can achieve really great energy naturally, without medication and without cycling. #GoodToKnow #BipolarSelfAwareness

For the past two months I’ve been drinking just about no caffeine, and since I made that change I’ve taken on a pretty consistent sleeping schedule, and I’ve been getting more sleep.

I was also taking depression medication as the first exploration into medication for bipolar 2, and I ran out about two weeks ago. My doctor said I could come back to her for a refill, but with the regular sleep I was getting, my support network and the list of other self-love habits I’ve taken on, I wanted to see how my body and mind would react if I stopped taking it. I also talked with my doctor before I started taking it, and told her that I didn’t want to take medication forever. She said that some people will take medication for about 90 days, while implementing a lot of non-medication habits, and then stop taking it – it has been about 90 days.

For awhile I’ve been pretty balanced and I haven’t really been cycling. My energy hasn’t been too high, but now that I distinctly remember what this feels like, being in a hypomanic state, and being really energized, alert, happy, passionate and excited while not being in a hypomanic state, now I know that state of mind without medication, without caffeine and without hypomania is possible. Kudos.

I was recently thinking that I’ve gotten pretty good at dealing with depression, anxiety and mixed cycling when my thoughts get pretty negative. I have a lot of habits and such that I have adopted so I don’t fall into deep depression. I can self-soothe and relieve a panic attack or lesser anxiety. I can catch my negative thoughts, just notice them, confront them, replace them with positive thoughts and commit to changing my thought patterns. Hypomania, when it’s not mixed with anything else, it feels amazing, but I get it when I’m cycling through some of the other things, which aren’t amazing. So dealing with hypomania would be trying to get myself to go to sleep so I don’t disrupt my sleep schedule and so that I do sleep. Paranoia – that hasn’t necessarily been new, but I didn’t notice it until this past year when its intensity levels escalated to a new high. I’ve been thinking recently how that one is very difficult to deal with. I haven’t come up with many techniques to lessen that one, except one technique when it gets me before bed: watch a lot of fluffy, good-hearted films to distract me until hours go by, I become exhausted and fall asleep.

I’ve been cycling a lot more with paranoia recently. It has been subtle compared to how intense I know it can get. Why is this happening is probably a good question to consider. I stopped drinking caffeine, which sometimes triggered it. A year or so ago I stopped taking my ADD medication, which triggered it. I’ve stopped watching, or considerably lessened my consumption of crime, war, suspense, light-horror and sci-fi films and TV, which triggered it. I still love American Horror Story: Coven, so I watch that during the day.

I was watching Breaking Dawn Part 2 tonight, and the fight scene at the end triggered it. It’s not always linked to something scary. I think it might be linked to an increase in my adrenaline.

My paranoia was kicking in slightly and I was having a small panic attack, and I was taking deep breaths to calm myself, and then I felt a slow physical shift in my brain, and I momentarily experienced hypomania, and I was going back and forth between high anxiety, borderline paranoia and hypomania. The hypomania felt great, the high anxiety did not.

I always thought that those two states of mind were interconnected, but I never put my thumb on it, and I think it hit me tonight. I can turn my paranoia into hypomania – that can be one of my self-soothing techniques. It would be great to learn how to relieve paranoia and not need to transition into something else, but until then – transitioning into hypomania isn’t half bad, and it feels great.

– Emelina Minero

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About emelinaminero

I'm passionate about people, community, self-love and the diversity in the human experience.

Discussion

3 thoughts on “Hypomanic Happy and Non-Hypomanic Happy

  1. Very relatable post for me. Thanks for sharing!

    Posted by Sarah | January 12, 2014, 2:52 pm

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  1. Pingback: Letting Go of Struggle | selflovewarrior - January 15, 2014

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